Total Drama: Timewarp!
by Dark Glass01
Summary: After an extended legal battle to escape quarantine, Chris McLean is back for the next season of Total Drama! Having released 6 Pyrite Parchments to select his newest competitors, be prepared to see classical, modern, and new contestants fight for the million in what is, literally, a battle for the ages. 6 OC's needed!
1. Intro

**It has been a year since the last Total Drama airing. All across the world, other shows still run though the channels, catching fan bases of their own. One night, as most shows fade out of their last scene and the commercials begin to play, random channels across the board all come onto the same commercial. Chris McLean, his signature smile plastered on his face, stands before a blank black backdrop, nodding to the camera.**

**"Hey there!" He gestures. "I'm Chris Mclean. Many of you might know me from such classics as Cooking Plain with Chris Mclean and as host of the every-popular Total Drama series. Or, perhaps, you recognize my face as the label from one of the many products gracing your home." For some unexplored reason, his pearly whites glittered in the light. "Well, after a year-long legal battle with the Canadian government of a little issue with toxic waste, I've finally received permission to once again host the most amazing show of all time... provided I keep of Canadian soil entirely. So, after a good land deal with our lovely neighbor to the south, I'm pleased to annoyance a very special opportunity for all you fans out there."**

**"I, Chirs McLean, have decided to allow six special teens - just six, mind you, to join their favorite competitors in this year's installment of the ever-popular Total Drama series. These lucky six will be attended by me personally to our perfectly safe, American-approved facility and will be allowed to be part of the danger, the excitement, the drama we have to offer them. And, as a special present , all of them will be guaranteed that all nessicery medical expenses and/or therapy will be covered by McLean Enterprises!" He took a few steps to the side with this, the camera panning with him to reveal six sheets of gold-colored paper, each marked with a different version of Chris's face and covered in fancy silver script. "So how am I going to pick these lucky teens, you may ask? Well, look no further then these babies! We've made these five sheets of parchment out of the finest fool's gold we have to offer, no expense spared. I'll be randomly hiding these parchment's in the packaging of McLean brand products, as a little incentive to buy .These products could end up in any corner of the world, at any of the fine establishments where these quality goods are old! Find one, and I'll guarantee you won't regret it! So get out there and remember; the more you buy, the more chances you have to win!"**

**Though the commercial was never shown again, it was quickly circulated through the fan sites and even some mainstream media, the fan base rising into joy after the thought of the games ending forever. All around the globe, McLean product sales were up, the Total Drama community obsessed with winning their big chance... their shot.**

**And who where those lucky teens, you might ask? Well, that's an interesting story...**

Cast List:

"Classic" :Cody, Courtney, Duncan, Gwen, Harold, Sierra, Owan, Lindsay, Alejandro

"Modern: "B", Mike, Zoey, Cameron, Jo, Sam, Dawn, Scott, Anne Marie.

"Pyrite Parchment": ?

That's where you come in! The winners of the Pyrite Parchment will be OC's created by you, making this the most mixed-up TD possible. Just read the rules, fill out the application, and either review it, or PM it to me.

I've only got 3 rules.

1. No Mary/Marty Sues please.

2. No relatives of existing cast. Family members are not allowed to win by contest rules. In fact, just to be safe, no relationships with them whatsoever pre-show.

3. Gender ratio of OC's selected will be at least 2-4. I know luck doesn't work like that, but I'm not bringing in all boys or all girls.

**Winner's Application Sheet.**

**-Basic**

**Full Name:**

**Age (14-18):**

**Gender: **

**Stereotype (Describe self in 5 words or less):**

**- Physical**

**Ethnicity:**

**Build:**

**Hair:**

**Eyes:**

**Height:**

**Weight:**

**Other Details?:**

**-Personality**

**In a nutshell (short paragraph)**

**Virtue (Most prominent Good Trait):**

**Other Good Traits:**

**Vice (Most prominent Bad Trait):**

**Other Bad Traits:**

**Likes:**

**Dislikes:**

**Fears:**

**Life Dream:**

**What do you want in a guy/girl?:**

**What sort of people do you like?:**

**What sorts of people do you dislike?:**

**-Backstory**

**Family:**

**Home Country:**

**Home Town:**

**History (a good length paragraph):**

**How did you find the Pyrite Parchment?:**

**Favorite Memory:**

**Favorite**** Total Drama contestant:**

**"Me" Tape (A little 1st person description):**


	2. Episode I, Part I: Meet the Winners!

**The camera fades in on a majestic red rock, standing tall and steep with a sheer fall on one side. The sun is just peeking out over the edge, shedding light on to the plains below. McLean, handsome as ever, stands there, hands clasped together in front of him. "Hello out there! My name is Chris McLean... as if you don't already know!" *chuckles*. "Over these last five year's, you've seen me lead our cast though grueling wilderness, the wonders of Hollywood, toxic enviorments, and even around the world itself! You've laughed, you've cried, and possibly barfed, but for the first time ever, every single one of you has had the chance to come and experience it yourself, by finding one of these rare Pyrite Parchments." Chris pulled one of the tickets from his pocket, slightly ripped but otherwise in good shape, glittering in the morning sun. "Well, the fact that you're watching this means that probably wasn't you, but never fear! We've got six Total Drama fans being flown in from across the world, alongside all our previous campers, to this little compound in Wyoming , just itching for the chance to win the million. "An engine noise sounded loudly in the background, a smoke tail following a somewhat shoddy built airplane as it descended towards the desert behind. "But before they all show up, let's hear a bit about our lucky winners." He stopped in place, staring into the camera. After about 10 seconds, he squinted at it, frowning as he walked over and gave it a whacking. "Stupid interns, can't stand in 100 degree weather for a couple of hours." **

***Clip 1: Scene; Bathroom confessional Stall, airplane***

**The stall is crammed by a giant of a man, his head hunched down by his shoulders and arms rippling under what should have been a loose sweatshirt, fingers tapping on his knees nervously. "So, first confessional... do they really have to have these in someplace so small?" His voice was a deep, booming type, almost like an echo. He pops the door open, breathing a sigh of relief, before looking back into the camera. "So, I'm finally here... heading out to the rocks. Seems a little unreal now that I'm actually doing it." He pauses again, scratching his face. "Bruce here. You might say I'm a bit of a gentle giant, happy digging in some dirt. But like a geo, I've got a bit more beneath the surface. Being on Total Drama, well... I'll have to see for myself, but I wouldn't turn it down for the world. Anybody who messes with me..." he didn't have to do more then flex his muscles, as much as he could in that confined space. "Well, they won't mess with me."**

***Clip 2: Scene; Same***

**A tiny women, clearly asian, straightening her plaid skirt as she settles herself into the toilet seat. Looking forward curiously, she taps the camera before heading back, smiling innocently. "Konichiwa." She tries to bow as well as she can in the cramped space, hitting her head on the far wall, rubbing the slight bump as she pulls herself back up. "I'm so sorry for that..." the background noise of the engine almost swallowed up her sweet, tiny voice, though the sentiment was deep in it. "My name is Kasumi Yoshida, and I'm so happy to be here today. Really, I can't wait to meet everyone. I really hope the other's are nice..." She stops for a moment, a huge smile plastered on her face. "Well, I don't want to keep the others waiting... maybe I'll talk some more later. Bye!" She gives an energetic wave before the clip buzzes out.**

***Clip 3: Scene; Same***

**A slim, scraggy blond boy is sitting there, picking away at a scab on his knee, staring at it was a strange fascination. He only looks up after a few seconds, before straightening himself out. "Oh, right." He corrects himself, his voice normal, if somewhat raspy. "I'm Micheal Jones, and I'm what some people would call "morbid" " He put visible air quotes around the word, nail still unconsciously probing off the scab. "I mean, so I like blood and darkness and dead things. It's not as if I'm not a nice guy! Here, at least, I'll get to express my passion normally, if we've still got the same old Chris." The scab came off, clinging to his nails as he pulled it up to exam it. "Like this thing. Millions of blood cells, all joined together in a perfect binding. How isn't that magical." He gives the camera a good look, before storing it away in his jean pockets. "Well, it is to me...and maybe it will be to one of them too. We'll just have to see."**

***Clip 4: Scene; Same***

**The camera opens up to an empty stall, and runs for nearly half a minute before a strange, deep voice says "Sushi isn't here right now, please leave a message after the beep." At that moment, the door flys open, a cute, if well built, girl rushing it, beeping a little girl's bike horn, laughing hysterically, the electric blue strips in her hair shining even in the dingy light. "Ha ya, Sushi! I fooled you good didn't I?" She gave a mischievous smile to the camera, the whistley part of her otherwise bubbly voice explained by the gap between her front teeth. "In case you didn't notice, I'm just an adorable little girl who's just a bit naughty... keep your mind out of the gutter." She laughed as she rocked back and forth in her seat. "I just love a good laugh, and Total Drama's about the only thing I can think of that's funnier then me. So, me on Total Drama is going to be super extra funniest!" She plants a whoopee cushion on her seat as she heads out of the room, running quickly and giggling under her breath."**

***Clip 5: Scene; Same***

**An extremely toned girl, a lightweight sweatshirt's hood hanging over her face, walks past the open door, seemingly indifferent. After a few moments, she steps in, sighing heavily as she sits down, only to be greeted by a harsh farting noise. Shrinking self-consciously, she pulls out the whoopee cushion, tossing it to the side while quickly regaining her composure. "Look, I'm going to keep this breif," she had a boyish voice, slamming the door shut behind her. "I don't want to be here. I'm only doing this as a favor for my sister, she says I have to "make friends" or something." The "make friends" part came with a dismissive wave of the hand. "Well, a million dollars wouldn't be so bad, so I'll do what I can. " She steps up, walking out, only to be pushed back in by an intern standing outside, slouching. "Fine fine... cheeky. I'm Alice. Happy"**

***Clip 6: Scene; Same***

**Coming through the door is an extremely "well built" asianic women, lavender hair cascading down her back as she settles herself onto the seat, fire in her eyes. "I want everyone out there to hear me; I'm here to win." She does a practiced swipe to the air as she makes a small leap, adjusting herself so she's standing on one foot. " My name is Mei-lin Lee, three year Mixed Martial Arts champion in the Municipality of Beijing's women's bracket. Don't let my good looks fool you." She faked a punch at the camera, smiling deviously. "I'm well aware of what my competition has to offer, and each of them is far, far too cautious to be a true champion. I will follow my destined path to victory, defeating each challenge one at a time. Even if I have to..." she stopped, wincing at a headache. "Hold on..." she settled herself down, dress emphasizing her body as she bent down to grab a bottle, taking a light swing and purring. "That's the stuff..." she suddenly sounded calm, the fierceness gone. "I'm just gonna have a good time." She stood up, stumbling out.**

***Clip ends***

**Chris was back on camera, standing on top of the rock with the sun right behind him. "Will any of our contestants prove to be the winner? What new ways can I come up to mess with their heads? And what will this change mean for classic competitors? Find out after the break!**


	3. Episode I, Part II: Find that Fort!

**Author Notes: None.**

**"Welcome back to Total Drama, folks!" Chris shouts down as he flies down from a rock on his jetpack, landing just in front of a cleared stretch of land, a few lights set up on the sides. "During our break, the plane carrying our contestants has just come in for landing." The plane flying down was identical to the one from World Tour. "She's a beauty, isn't she? Getting an exact replica of a completely exploded aircraft wasn't cheap, you know. NOW," he shifted to a yell as the noise overhead became defining, one hand going up to cover his ear. "LET'S SEE HOW THEY MANAGED TO TAKE IT, EH?"**

**The camera watched the plane as it came in for landing... although it was clear something wasn't right. Though the plane was getting dangerously close to the ground, the landing gear didn't seem to be coming out, the engine noise drowning out the word's coming from Chris's mouth. However, he was clearly shocked, and dove to the side as the hull crashed into the rocky soil, screeching and sparking in a great cloud of dust as it slowly came to a halt. It took a few moments for the dirt to settle down, the inflatable slide a glaring yellow as it folded out. "What in world is going on here? I paid that guy good money to get them all here SAFELY." There was a very deep annoyance in his voice with just a hint of anger, as he dusted off his pants and walked over to the craft, the camera following him. "Get a grip Chris, you're not liable for anything that happens until the first challenge." He mumbled half under his breath as he approached the slide, giving a grand gesture. "Anyway, despite our technical mishap, let's meet our contests, shall we? First out..."**

**He didn't get a chance to finish the sentence, as dozens of bodies started shoving for the slide, in no particular order. Duncan gave Zoey an elbow to the shoulder, Jo was attempting to climb over Owen's massive back, while Cameron was trying to crawl his way underneath the mêlée. Of course, soon enough everybody seemed to fall over simultaneously, rolling down the slide and landing in a random heap on the ground, Dawn meditating peacefully on top.**

**"As I was saying," Christ walked over, peeved. "Let's reintroduce you to all of our favorites stars." Using his free hand, he started poking through the pile, yanking each of the contest's to their feet as he named them off. "We've got Courtney, Beverly, Mike, Bruce, Anne Marie, Sam, Gwen, Micheal, Sushi, Cody... Sierra attached to Cody, Mei-Lin, Jo, Harold, Duncan, Cameron, Dawn, Owan, Lindsay , Kasumi, Alice..." the pile was empty, a line of slightly disoriented teens standing beside him. "Wait a minute, bring me the cast list!" He shouted, holding out an arm expectantly as he read down it, mumbling each name to himself and checking the line as he did, the cast looking around at each other, somewhat confused."I thought so. Where's Alejandro and Scott? They've got a contract!" The same intern whispered something in is ear, to which he nodded, understandingly. "Well, get them out of there then." His voice was still sharp as the interns rushed over to a hatch in the side of the ship, struggling to get it open. "Well," He turned back to the cast, smiling. "How did all of you enjoy your little flight here?"**

**"Flying... flying..." Owen still looked a bit shaken, hands clenched together and trying to force a smile on his tight face.**

**"What kind of rusted trash can did you put us on?!" Jo demanded, taking a step forward. "You're lucky I didn't get hurt, or I swear you wouldn't be far behind."**

**"Chill out, sister ," Duncan teased her, flicking his fingers at the back of her head. "We're all still in one piece, which is more than I can say for a few of us here."**

**With that, the door the intern's where pulling on broke off its hinges, the metal slab falling down and crushing them beneath. Rolling down was a pair of robotic suits; one full-body, the other a set of limbs with a still organic torso, Scott's tell-tail white undershirt and smug mug filling out the fleshy bits. "Guess who's back," he snorted arrogantly, as he took a few unpracticed steps down the impromptu ramp. "I told you, Scotty isn't going anywhere."**

**Alejandro remained silent as he rolled down with a strange grace, robotic body it bit more exentuated than the boxy monstrosity he was first housed in. Granted, it still wasn't fully human, but there was a more organic shape to it; smoother and rounder, with a fully emotive face. Granted, there wasn't any of his real body still visible, but there was no doubt that the same heart beat underneath.**

**The two cyborg's joined their companions in the line, as Chris finally checked them off his list. "And it looks like all of us are in now. I hope you're all ready for some action, because we're going to get started right away." **

**A general groan fell over the crowd. "What on earth... our plane just crashed, blockhead!" Courtney shouted, rotating her hand on her wrist. "Now, if you don't want me to sue your 90 dollar pants off, you'd better find out what exactly went wrong."**

**At that exact moment, the answer came flying out of the piolet's window to the sound of breaking glass. A streak of red danced in the air, following it's owner as she landed on the ground, her plaid skirt and white-crossed blue blouse not hiding much at that particular angle. "Ah, that was a right good landing, wasn't it?" Her accent was a thick Scottish, as she brushed her tangled ginger hair out of its windblown stiffness. **

**"Wait a minute, wait a minute!" Christ started to spaz out a little, flailing his arms as he approached her. "What on earth where you doing on in my cockpit? That thing's valuable!"**

**She didn't even seem blink at his reaction, pressing down her skirt as stared him down coldly. "The name's Bonnie McFarland, you want to fight about it?" She let it hang there as she walked over to the contestants. **

**Chris tried to get in her way, holding out a hand restrictively. "Oh no you don't, Flaneginn. Nobody gets on my show without one of the six official Pyrite Parchments, and last I checked we've already got six of those. Now, take a hike, or I'll send you on one."**

**When she got up to him, her forehead seemed to sprout a bulging vain, her hand pulling up his collar to his face. "Don't ya call me Flaneginn. I'm Scottish, you spawn of Satan's colony." She let him down harshly, pulling out the Parchment and slamming it into his face. "I found this slip o' gold fair and square, and I'm not about to leave without a fight."**

**"You go girl!" Sierra gave a cheer from the side, Cody's arm wrapped around her waist.**

**Alice grunted.**

**"What the?" Chris examined the paper closely, viewing it through the sun, rubbing it. "Alright, this is good work, but I already told you there where only six tickets. Don't you think I can do math?"**

**Another intern rushes onto the set, carrying a stack of papers and whispering into Chris's ear, as the camera turns to the rest of the cast, generally introducing themselves to each other.**

**"Dude," Bruce offered a friendly fist bump to B, the two looking at each other cooly.**

**"Sushi... I've always loved sushi," Owen shook hands with Sushi, the girl poking his belly and giggling. **

**"You're so adorable! Like a big, squishy teddy bear!" Sushi hugged him as best she could with is massive girth, before jumping away. "You're my new friend, alright?"**

**"Woopy!" Owen clapped as the two chased each other around, both laughing.**

**"C-Man!" Harold and Cody gave each other a guy hug, patting backs before steeping away. "How's the girl going?"**

**"Well, she's kinda grown on me, to be honest." Cody shrugged. "Once you learn to live with it, constant attention really isn't so bad." **

**Of course, it was broken up by a loud shout from Chris, who broke into the middle of the festivities. "Alright," he grumbled. "Turns out one of interns thought it would be "funny" if they printed an extra ticket. Meaning, of course, this one's the real deal." He waved Bonnie's ticket. "So, I really can't come up with a good reason for kicking her out."  
**

**Bonnie cheered triumphantly at this, raising her fist. "HOWEVER," Christ interjected, a familiar look coming onto his face. "That doesn't mean I can't make the challenge that much harder." A few harsh stares where suddenly directed at her, which she met with equal fervor. **

**"Alright, to sort out the teams, I've decided to do something really simple. The Native Americans who used to live in this region liked to communicate with something called smoke signals. So, all you need to do to find your campsite is follow the different smoke pillars you find out there." Sure enough, there where 6 streams of smoke, each rising in a different direction. "At each fire you'll find 4 marking rods. Just grab the map attached to those and you can find your way to the main campsite. Of course, it's first come first served... so you better hurry." He pulled out an airhorn and sounded it, flying off into the air on his jetpack. **

**The mob scattered in all directions, looking at the smoke to get some sort of clue. "We can determine how close each fire is by measuring the angle of each smoke stream to the ground." Harold started to do some measurements, a few of the contestants lining up with him to watch.**

**Another pack was heading off due east, Jo leading the bunch by a country mile, to where she said "she smelled smoke." **

**B and Bruce looked at one another, knowingly, before casually walking off north.**

**Most of the others just randomly rushed off into the hot sun, the heat of the day already causing ripples to form in the air. **

***Scene 1*  
"Come on, lazy bones!" Jo yelled out to the group of joggers behind her. "I'm not going to carry you're sorry behinds, you know."  
**

**Lindsay, Mike, and Zoey breathed heavily as they tried to keep up with the athlete, sweat floating off their skin almost immediately in this humidity. " I'm tired!" Lindsay whined, rubbing her shoulders. "Can't we just head off to the camp?"  
**

**For a moment, Zoey felt the lingering effects of her temper come up. However, she didn't let it. After her brush with her "mean self" at the end of last season, she'd been devoting her energies to gaining control of her fears, deciding not to lash out. Besides, Mike seemed to enjoy her better the way he really was... and after the way he'd fought to keep himself, she really couldn't do any less. "I'm sure it'll be ok." She cheered on, voice breathy. "Just think happy thoughts?"  
**

**"Like shoes?" She asked, face lighting up.**

**"Something like that," Mike called back, focusing on the road in front of him. "Just keep running." Soon enough, though, he heard the tell-tale whoop of joy from Jo, the crackling fire a few hundred feet ahead.**

**"Score!" Jo yanked a map from a green-topped pole, scanning the map carefully. "And we're the closest to the camp to. Suckers!" Just as quick as she'd arrived, she took off, leaving her followers to stumble into the camp, hands on their knees as they rested.**

***Scene two***

**"Too much running..." Sam groaned as he forced himself forward, eye's half focused. "Why can't I just use the teleporter to get to the next stage like in Wrecker Wolverine?"**

**"You and be both," Owen was sweating buckets, despite the fact that nobody else seemed to be able to keep it on their skin for more then a few moments. **

**Despite that, however, they still seemed to be able to keep themselves moving, unlike Courtney and Micheal, the first of whom had tripped and scrapped her knee, the staying help clean it up... paying great attention to the flowing blood.**

**"Will you hurry it up, we're loosing!" Courtney nagged, trying to stand only to have Micheal keep her leg held down.**

**"No no, let me fix it." He seemed enraptured with it, pressing the skin together in strange ways, the bruise forming into an interesting pattern. In the end, it looked like she had a purple banana on her kneecap, and Micheal smiled at his handiwork. "See, isn't that beautiful?"**

**"EW! Not really." She scowled, standing up and bursting herself forward, seeing the fire in the distance. "Now come on, I've still got a challenge to win."**

***Scene 3***

**"... and so we'll be best off it we go north north-west." Harold completed his extensive explanation of his work, Cody, Sierra, and Kasumi looking on with varying degrees of confusion.**

**"I see," Cody's statement got a surprised look from Sierra and Kasumi, getting him a kiss and a smile. "It seems pretty sound. Let's get going then, shall we?"**

**"Oh Codykins. You're so SMART." Sierra praised as she hoisted him onto her back, getting a somewhat surprised cry in return. "Now, let's get our maps." She dashed off with almost superhuman speed into the plains, leaving Harold and Kasumi to stare at each-other.**

**"Well, shall we go my lady?" Harold gave a slight bow, Kasumi returning it in kind.**

**"That would be... nice." She sounded a tad embarrassed as she went along, the two of them both jogging relatively slowly.**

**For Cody, though, the trip was extremely easy, Sierra propelling them quickly, if a little bumpy. They where at the fire in no time, where 3 green topped and 1 blue topped poll awaited them, Cody reaching down to grab two of the green ones. "Well, looks like we're just south of here." He shoved both away in his pocket as he patted Sierra's head. "Look, I really appreciate this. Thanks."**

**"Oh, don't mention it, shnugiums." She rubbed into his hand. "I wouldn't want you to step on any scorpions, especially considering your already compromised immune system, like your allergies to bug bites, shellfish, pollen..." and she continued to talk as she went off.**

***After some time...***

**The camera come to Chris standing by the front gate of what appeared to be an 19th century wooden fort, a flag with his face flying on the staff alongside the American and Wyoming flags. A checkerboard finish line was painted just outside of camp, fires burning on both ends. "Well, welcome to Fort McLean. I got the place cheap ; used to serve as a supply point for wagons traveling west. Now, It'll play host to a different kind of adventurer." He started wandering over to the finish line, looking through binoculars out into the horizon. "I think I can see a few figures on closing in... hopefully they aren't too tuckered out to cross the finish line!"**

**The two coming, neck in neck, where Sierra and Duncan, both of whom where pumping their arms as hard as they could, gritting their teeth. Neather appeared to be loosing any ground as they closed in, staring intently. At the last second, however, Duncan stuck out his arm and sent Sierra into a spin, skidding across the painted line with the red map cluched in his hands.**

**"Well done, Duncan!" Chris walked up and offered a hand shake. "You've safely arrived at Fort McLean." Sierra and Cody crossed in a second later, stopping right behind him. "And so has our lovely lady."**

Duncan slapped Chris's hand about instead, stepping away from a spark that popped from the flame. "Ya, of course I did. So what'd I win?" He got right to the point.

**"Well," Chris waved to the surrounding compound. "For getting here first, your team gets first pick of where you'll be spending your next few weeks." Indeed, their where four buildings set up just outside the fort... though it would have been hard to call the last one a building. One seemed to be a modern American-style house, complete with multiple rooms, an air conditioner, and an attractive coat of white paint. The second was a typical log cabin, with a stone chimney and good construction. The third, mearly a cluster of tepees, the leather worn in some places, and the last was simply a cavern in a nearby rock. "So, which of these fine accommodations do you prefer?"**

**"You think I'm some sort of idiot?" Ducan asked, walking over to the modern building. "Of course I'm taking the place with air conditioning." **

**"Alright, and yes I do." Chris threw out the insult. "And Sierra, which are you thinking of taking?"**

**"Oh, that's easy." She lifted Cody from her back and set him on the ground. "We'll be taking the cozy cottage. It's like the perfect dream home." She sighed loudly, the two walking side by side to their new home."**

**Over the course of a few time-lapses, the rest of the cast slowly comes in, most near collapsing as they approach the finish line, sent off to the housing selected by those with the same map color. In order, they where.**

**Jo (green)**

**Alejandro (red) Green 6 Red 6 Blue 7 Yellow 6**

**Mei-Lin (green)**

**B (Red)**

**Alice (blue)**

**Bruce (Red)**

**Mike (Red)**

**Scott (green)**

**Zoey (blue)**

**Bonnie (red)**

**Dawn (Yellow)**

**Anne Marie (Blue)**

**Micheal (green)**

**Gwen (green)**

**Sam (Yellow)**

**Owen (Blue)**

**Sushi (Blue)**

**Harold (Yellow)**

**Kasumi (Yellow)**

**Cameron (Blue)**

**Courtney (Green)**

**Lindsay (Blue)**

**Lindsay stumbled over the finish line, dizzy and delirious. "Think of shoes, think of shoes..." was all she could mumble to herself, laughing madly under each breath before she collapsed on the wall of her cave.**

**"Well, glad to see you all manged to make it here." Christ was leaning back in his chair, sipping a refreshing tropical drink. "I mean, it took you 10 hours, but you all made it here alive. So, I guess I'll have to get up now..." It took some effort to pull himself from his relaxing beach chair, stretching his back on his arms once he was up. "All that's left for us to do is get the team names sorted out, but," he gave an exaggerated yawn. "I'm not really in the mood for it right now. So, just have the first person in your group pick the name." He fell back into his chair, pulling down his shades and taking another sip, observing the arguments that where about to ensue.**

**"Well, look what we have here," Duncan went over his group, collecting the red maps. "We've got a pretty good set-up going on. And I think I've got just the right name for it." He gave Courtney a taunting look. "We'll be going with Team Theseus, Chris." The team's new symbol, a dark red male sign on a light red field, popped up on the screen.**

**"Well, bold choice," Chris commented, an intern bringing him a fresh drink. "And I'm surprised you know that much history... or any history, for that matter."**

**"Well Sierra, what do you think?" Sam was still breathing heavily as inquired, setting himself down on the ground next to their cabin.**

**"Well..." She pondered for a minute, visually deep in thought. "Hmmm, what to do..." **

**"How about Geek Squad?" Cody suggested, looking over his crew.**

**"OH, I love it!" Sierra clapped her hands excitedly. "We'll be going with that, Chris!"**

**Soon enough, their symbol showed up as well, a raised yellow brain on a light yellow field.**

**"Alright, we've got a pretty crappy crop here, but I'll make sure we can at least look like SOMETHING." Jo snorted at her teammates. "You chowderheads wouldn't know a good name if it hit you in the face anyways."**

**"Um, I take offence to that," Cameron interjected, a bit more confident then in the past year but still visibly shaken. " I mean, you're not really the brain of this group."  
**

**"Hey, Chris said I'M the boss, string bean." Jo leaned into his face, shouting. "So if you know what's good for you, I suggest shutting up." She turned back to their host, standing at attention. "We'll be going with Team Champions, thank you." Their symbol turned up looking rather silly; a green metal on emerald. However, Christ still waved it along, a his lips busy around a straw.**

**The blue team was pretty much universally worn out, all in assorted sitting position in their cave. That is, except Alice, who stood alone on the far side, looking out on Chris. "We're The Wolves, Chris." She stated simply, before turning around and staring into the cave walls, a blue wolf face snarling on azure their symbol.**

**"Well, I guess we've got ourselves sorted out then." Christ stood up, pulling off his sunglasses so he could look into the camera. "How will our new teams stand up to the rigorous challenges ahead of them? How many ways can they mess them up? And how many of them are going to drop from heat exhaustion before they can get to their beds? Find out next time on Total. Drama. Timewarp!**


	4. Episode II, Part I: UGGGGH!

**Author Notes: C-sharp, D under middle C.**

**Also, for convenience, here's a list of all the teams and their current members.**

**Team Thesius: Duncan, Alejandro, B, Bruce, Mike, Bonnie**

**Geek Squad: Cody, Sierra, Dawn, Sam, Harold, Kasumi**

**Team Champions: Jo, Mei-Lin, Scott, Micheal, Gwen, Cameron**

**The Wolves: Alice, Zoey, Anne Marie, Owen, Sushi, Courtney, Lindsay**

**Episode II: Ugggggggg!**

***The Theseus House***

**It was obvious that this place was almost perfect, just by looking at it. The construction was sound, the windows real glass, carpeted floors and running water. In the back room, each camper had an individual bed, well-set and complete with fluffy pillows. There was only one thing missing... and that was creating quite a stir.**

**"I told you laddies that I ain't sleepin on no sofa!" Bonnie shouted before the united front of Team Theseus, Alejandro and Ducan leading while the rest mulled behind. "I've just as much right to a bed as the rest of ye."**

**"Keep your kilt on," Duncan shot back, leaning against the wall while filing his nails with a knife. "There's five of us and only one of you; and I'm sure as hell not going to try to squeeze three hulks onto the same sofa. You're just gonna have to give a little." He rolled his eyes at her arrogance, a general chatter of approval rising from behind. **

**"Its not as though we don't appreciate you as a team mate," Alejandro pitched in, his sythesised voice fairly close to the latin rythem he'd played off before. "It just isen't proper for a lovely senorita like yourself to leave herself vulnerable around strange men. No offense," he quickly tossed back, his metel teeth giving a charming smile. "We could simply move a bed out here for your comfort, no?"**

**The Scot still stood firm, however, snorting arrogantly, hands on her hips. " Are you implyin I can't protect meself? Well, let me tell you..." a sharp growl came from her throat as she lifted a fist, launching straight into Alejandro's metal torso. With a loud clang, bone met metal, and the pain was soon visable on the ginger's face as she pulled back, rubbing the bloody knuckles. **

**Bruce and B just stared at each other, shrugging.**

**"Well look, the knobs match the drapes," Duncan chuckled as he forced himself up, spinning the knife expertly back into his pocket. "So, do we have a deal, or what?"**

**The words that came out of Bonnie's raging face where never heard, drowned out by the deep roar of what sounded like a massive horn.**

***Geek Squad Cabin***

**The Geek Squad was snug and peaceful in their bunks, bodies loose from the strenuous activities of the last day. The matter of living arrangements had been left to the wayside, the sweaty teens just glad to have a place to lie down. However, exhausted as they where, even they where startled by the great roar, shooting out of bed with various degrees of screams. **

**"AFK, dude, AFK!" same shot up, his fingers flying out and pantomiming a number of rather complex Swi movements, eyes flashing open. **

**The rest of them mostly just tumbled out of bed, shaken and suddenly wide awake. Their eyes all seemed to meet, mutually annoyed. "What was that?" Dawn was the only one who seemed somewhat awake, though a tad more alarmed. "Its as if the veil of peace itself has been torn."**

**"..." Kasumi was quiet as she tried to collect herself, heart racing and face blushed from such a sudden rush, resting her hands over her knees to help keep her skirt down. Of course, just as the chaos started to subside, an all too familiar sound echoed throughout the cabin.**

**"Good morning contestents!" Chris's voice seemed to surrond them, coming from what appeared to be built in loudspeakers. "I hope you managed to get a good night's sleep... he he." he finished with a sadistic chuckle. "Anyways, I've got a few special announcements to make, so I want everybody in front of Fort McLean in 5 minutes. And just to give you a little motivation..."**

***Camp Champion***

**The collective sound of a airhorn falling on them from 5 different directions didn't do much good for the team, everybody reaching up to sheild their ears from the monstrous sound. "Alright team, let's get moving." Jo clapped her hands in a "chop chop" manner while hurtling towards the fort on her own, leaving the rest of them in the dust.**

**"You know *cough*, " Cameron complained as his lungs struggled with the filth. "I'm not particuarly fond of her leadership style. Extremely Machiavellian."**

**"Don't I know it," Gwen agreed, waving the cloud away from her face. "A real blowhard. Thinks she can boss us all around just because she's got good legs. I mean," she broke off into a sigh, starting the walk towards the fort. "Come on, Chris probably has a challange for us to do." **

**"That Jo really is a jerk, isn't she? Somebody should really... knock her down a peg," Scott whispered to Micheal offhandedly as he strode away, the group generally following suit, reaching the assembled parties, each team having been aloted a set of lawn chairs, painted their team color, just in front of the gates. Theseus and the Geeks where already settled, both looking extremely tired, as the green chairs where generally filled, Jo having taken, of course, the one at the head of the group.**

**"What took you pansies so long," she complained, giving Chris a sharp glare. "Seriously, is this pile of rejects what I've got to work with?"**

**Chris, who was decked in a very familiar, leopard-print toga, dismissed her, watching as the wolves starting trickling in, one at a time. First Owen trying to squeeze into is normal chair, Anne Marie flooding the place in hair spray, Sushi giggling incessantly as she toyed with something hidden in her hands. "Welcome, on and all. I trust you enjoyed your accommodations?" A general groan came from Team Champion, while a lot of the others started their sentences.**

**"Actually Chris, we found them quite..." Alejandro started**

**"It made my back..." Lindsay winced.**

**"Oh it felt so much like..." Sierra ranted.**

**"That was rhetorical question..." Chris stopped them, sounding a little annoyed. "Anyway, I hope you're all ready for a rocking time, because today's challenge is back to the stone age!" The noise sounded deeply again, revealing an intern blowing away at a massive curving horn, gasping for breath after each blast. **

**"Didn't we already to this?" Gwen grumbled, arms folding. 'I mean, maybe you're running out of ideas."**

**"Hey, human history started with the cavemen," Chris retorted. "I was going to start our journey through time with a whole Origins of Life challenge, but the producers turned it down as "too controversial"." He visibly added the air qoutes. "Anyways, let's just go over the general rules this season before anything starts. Each challenge will be in two parts, and the winner of the first part gets a distinct advantage in the second," Chris was pacing as he did this, the cast looking generally bored by the review. "The winning team of each challenge will be entitled to a reward, while the team in last place has to cut a member. Other then that... well, you should all know the rules by now." **

**"Alright, so let's get this all started." Chris reached over and picked up a small pile of stone axes, expertly tossing one towards each of the teams. The one heading for Team Theseus was expertly caught by Alejandro's prosthetic, spun around dramatically before he pulled it back, getting a few still-longing looks from the girls. Geek Squad's embedded itself into the back of the book Harold was reading, leading him to speak up, though not really angrly. "This complete history of the Jin dynasty cost me 31 dollars... and I wasn't even half done." Sam, though, was quick to grab the ax, examine it. **

**"Only 2-5 damage? Weak," he set it ideally on his lap, watching as Mei-Lin knocked her ax out of the air with a well-placed chop, the handle breaking in half from the force as it hit the ground. As for The Wolves, Owen was merely hit in the gut with the blunt end, leading it to bounce out. **

**"He he, that tickles."**

**"Alright, I see you've all got your tools, so let's explain the rules. First off, I don't want to see anybody talking. Cavemen really didn't have much of a vocabulary, right?"**

**"Uggggg," Courtney groaned, throwing her head back in annoyance. "How on earth am I suppose to co-ordinate my team if we can't even speak! That's what a CIT does!"**

**"Not my problem," Chris picked up an ax of his own. "All you've got to do is use your ax and whatever else you can find out there to start a fire. Like this," Chris stepped up to a pile of prepared wood, pulling out a lighter and tinder and setting the kindling "See? Me make fire."**

**It was at that moment that Sushi revealed what she'd been holding in her hands, a tiny flower. However, just as she did so, a squirt of water shot out and snuffed it away into a puff of smoke. Chris though, was distracted by another conversation, and so really didn't notice.**

**"But Chris, the land here cries for life, taking even the smallest bit of wood from such a wounded place could ruin the lives of so many animals." Dawn tried to assert.**

**"Next time I see an environmentalist caveman, I'll let him know," Chris shrugged, looking over at his once-fire, a little confusion coming to his face. "What the..." he looked down, seeing the small pile of blacked wood but no flame. "Anyways," he stood up, pulling out his blow horn again, "Go!" **

**And the race was on.**

***Confessional: Chris McLean***

**Chris is sitting in what appears to be a ball of metal, the plates somewhat rusted and the riveting starting to get loose, the only light from a few slits above. "Hey there, viewer! Welcome to the Timewarp Confessional... the time capsule. Top of the line work!" he knocked at one of the plates, his face tightening as one of his knuckles grew red. "Yep, solid work." he said somewhat painfully as he tried to wipe away the blood. " Not a sound gets out of this baby, so rest assured you'll be the only one's who know what's going on. Now... I should probably get this cleaned."**

***Scene I: Team Theseus***

**In alot of ways, B had taken de facto control of the team.**

**He led the boy's along with a move of is hand, a tilt of his head, and things like that, his silent nature generally assisting them in this challenge. Of course, without a tree on the horizon, it was a long shot to figuring out how to get their fire started.**

**Bonnie was having to bite her tounge the whole way, quite literally, her steps stiff and hard. Duncan could just stroll along in silence all day the team's official ax-carrier, spinning it about like a knife. Alejandro and Bruce stood side by side, generally keeping the flanks, while Mike just keep looking around, somewhat worriedly. **

_**How on earth are we going to pull this off... Manatoba would know...**_** Mike had found himself missing his personalities a lot lately. Well... maybe not Veto, but Svetlana and Manatoba certainly. He was just ordinary old Mike; not too good, not to bad, but a bit uninteresting. Those two on the other hand, they knew what they where doing. Svetlana could pull more out of his muscles then he ever could, while Manatoba knew every trick in the book to deal with adventuring problems. If only he haden't locked them away that day, swearing to never let them out. If only...**

***Scene 2, The Wolves***

**Alice didn't seem to be having any problems with the condition, walking face-down across the rocks. The rest of her team, though... it was starting to get a little annoying.**

**It wasn't words they where using, oh no. It more than that. Everybody was humming a happy tune, or whistling, or groaning from the pain and heat. Owen sweated like a dog, smelling like bacon grease as he baked in the sun. Annie Marie couldn't stop trying to keep her skin moisturized, with that girly cream she carried around. Linsday just skipping along like the dunderhead she was, whistling to birds that just weren't there. And, despite all of this, none of them could see a thing except Geek Squad wandering around a bit to the west.**

_**If this i what friends do, it's defiantly not worth it,**_** Alice mused as she wandered along. At that moment, though, Sushi got her with that squirting flower, the liquid seeping into her favorite sweatshirt as the child started to laugh good-heartedly, leading Alice to mouth a word under the shadow of her hood, trying to ignore it. **

***Scene 3, The Geek Squad***

**The Squad, lead by Dawn, where following her deep into the plains, gaining information from the looks in her eye. Of course, they where moving fairly slow, as the moon child had to stop to rest her ear and hands to the ground every 500 feet or so, but all in all they had a generally positive look to themselves, especially after they started to see something that wasn't red rock on the horizon.**

**Out of all of them, though, Sam was the one deepest in thought, his glasses focusing on something big and brown just a bit of the east. **_**Something from Oregon Ho!... what was it about those things." **_**He followed the rest of the group, Cody and Sierra hand in hand as they walked, Kasumi panting lightly as the sweat ran down her face, Harold generally keeping to the side. **_**I should have paid more attention to the guidebook... something buffalo do can make fire.**_** Of course, his question was answered but a few moments later, as he watched the action in question take place, with his face a slight grimace but still triumphant.**

**It only took him a moment to grab Dawn's shirt, pointing towards the Buffalo with a knowing look.**

***Scene 4, Team Champion***

**Everybody was stiff and silent, Jo shoving them out of the way repeatedly, blindly rushing towards anything that looked even slightly burnable. Of course, every time, it turned out to be some off colored rock, and once again her poor team mates had to suffer her angary glare as she blamed them, turning in another direction.**

**This time was no different, as she had mistaken an old dried bone for a dried up tree branch, going forward with all the speed her legs could muster. Micheal sitting to down examine it, tracing the crack lines while Scott kept a close watch on the rest of the team, they suddenly heard a hard thump, and right after, a rather ear-splitting cry of " *bleep* you rock!"**

**Jo was lying their on the ground, kicking away the rock who'd just tripped her, knee slightly bloody from the landing. Of course, she didn't have time to do it for long, as the camera man rushed up and pulled her to her feet, whispering something into her ear. "What do you mean we're disqualified because I talked?" She screamed, giving the intern a roundhouse kick to the chest, sending him sprawling back. "You think I'm gonna follow such a stupid rule? In you dreams!"**

**The rest of the team just stared, Scott generally leading them into a cluster. "Ya, good work "boss." " he sarcastically complimented, the rest of the team chuckling along.**

***Scene 5, Geek Squad***

**The smell of bison droppings was almost overwhelming as the team loaded the up into their arms. Thankfully, the patch Harold had spotted had been dry, so they where relatively safe to hold. Of course, he hadn't allowed Katsumi to carry any, though she was already shying away from them with a slight look of horror. His arms where doubly loaded, but the grateful look she gave him as they rushed for the base had been worth it.**

**The pill was dropped into the center of the circle as Cody took the ax, Sierra watching him ready it with a somewhat dreamy look in her eye. The scrawny kid started scraping it against another nearby rock, watching as light sparks started to form from the friction. Sam, once he'd dumped the load, was quick to pull out one of his handhelds, though the camera couldn't see it, as he had his back the screen, though the movements of his fingers made it rather clear what was going on. Soon, however, the sparks caught, and the manure fire slowly grew... as did the smell of it, as the reaction of the interns and team generally holding their noses and backing away could attest.**

**"We have a winner!" Chris stepped in from the side, ready with a clothespin over his nose. "And it looks like Geek Squad wins by a nose... on in spit of one, and have won an advantage for the second part of the challenge."**

**Cody and Harold looked at one another, and couldn't help but raise the ax in the air for a joke, singing out "UNGA BUNGA!" At the top of their lungs. **

**"What sort of prehistoric punishment will our crew face next? Find out, after the break." **


	5. Episode II, Part II: Man Cave!

**Author Notes: Alright, here's how elimination is going to work; after the first round. After part one of each episode, I want all of you to send in your character's vote via review or PM. If your team ends up losing, you have a fifty-fifty chance of your vote acting as the deciding vote. That is, unless I cruelly send your OC packing *insert evil author laugh here***

**Also, I personally love this idea for an elimination ceremony. Tell me what you think.**

"Welcome back!" Chris addressed to both the screen and the returning teams, though his voice was still a little distorted from the clothespin on his nose. The entirety of the cast was doing the same, trying to block the dirty dung stench, except for Alejandro. Thesius had come back arms half full of dry, pointy brush, the Wolves empty handed and Team Champions staring warily at Jo, fist still tightened and tensed from her earlier melee. "Well, how did everybody enjoy their first challange?"

"It seemed a bit low-key," Mei-Lin wondered aloud, rubbing his fingers together. "I mean, no earthquake machines, no mutants, no animatronics... I'd come to expect more from you, Chris."

"Hey, its not like I have a toxic island or abandoned movie studio sitting around me!" He complained, settling himself into his recliner, turning on the massage feature. "I've got a plane carrying all the stuff we'll need, but it's been delayed due to weather... ah that's the spot." He sunk into the upholstery, the soft humming filling the background. "Anyway, cavemen weren't exactly that complicated to begin with."

"Yo," Bruce rung in, stretching. "So what's up next?**"**

"I'm glad you asked!" Chris stood back up, watching as the teams clustered together. "First off, I need each team to split into two groups; the boys and the girls. You got that?"

"K," Alice shrugged, gladly moving even farther aware from the gaggle that was her team, as all four of them started to generally separate out.

"Oh Codikins!" Sierra gave a longing hug, not even getting close to stepping away even as Dawn and Kasumi quietly excused themselves. "Please wait for me!"

"It's ok..." he gently patted her on the shoulder with a mixture of pleasure and embarrassment on his face, the rest of the cast staring blankly at the display. "Just, listen to Chris and it will be over faster."

She gave a mournful look, but headed over with her team-mates anyway, leaving the three nerds standing face to face, so alike and yet, so different looking.

"So, you like games, hu?" Cody asked Sam, trying to make some conversation.

Sam, who was still hiding the handheld, quickly slid it away and smiled down at his teammate. "Ya," he smiled wistfully. "They're the greatest invention since the wheel... or maybe microwave pizza bagels."

On the Thesius Side, Bonnie once again found herself staring down a pack of men, her kilt billowing a bit in the light breeze. "What you lookin at?" She glared at the brotherhood, who just kept looking at her, a bit worried with the slightest hint of a smirk on their lips.

"Nothing," Mike responded, shaking his head. "Its just... this is a group challenge, and you're alone. Aren't you a little worried?"

"Me, worried? HA HA HA!" Her laugh was deep and hearty, rumbling off the cliff side. "I could whip the lot of ye and still have time for a wee mug o' beer."

"Not in this challenge your not!" Chris popped in from the side. "Because the second half of today's challenge is called Man Cave!" The camera panned out to show the divided groups, The Wolves groups just as small as Thesius's, with Owen standing alone. Though, with him, that was a somewhat relative term. "Alright, now I want each team to swap girls with the group on their right. Come on, chop chop!" He clapped them along. The females wolves stood face to face with their equally sized rivals on Team Thesius, while Owen found himself surrounded by the friendly face of Gwen and the hostile glares of Mei-Lin and Jo.

"This Owen..." Lin analyzed him, eyes running up and down his body. "You're not exactly the fittest man alive. Are you certain I have to work with him, Chris?" She asked politely.

Duncan, though, was met was an odd reunion, Counrtney starting him down with pure ruthlessness... giving an equal share to Alejandro. "You morons are going down." She stated matter of factly, snapping the brush beneath her foot.

"Hold on Princess," Duncan responded with trademark cockiness. "You don't even know what's going on. Heck, we could be "discovering fire" again, if you catch my drift..." Of course, he was met with a bitch slap in response, but he just shrugged it off, turning back to the physical specimen that was his team... especially if he could pull that basket-case's "Svetlana" act out of him.

"Alright, now that we have all that sorted out, allow me to explain the rules..." Chris stepped into the middle of the conflict, pushing his way forward between the two. "Here's how Man Cave works. Men, I've given each of your team's... ehm "tribes" a cave over in that cliff face," he pointed over to the great rock, and sure enough their where four natural caves, each with a team symbol sloppily painted over it. "Each of you now has captive women of the another team's tribe. The first person to get all their girls back to their cave is the winner."

"WHAT?" Owen cried. "But there's so many."

A general snort of approval came from team Thesius, Bonnie included. "My brothers will kick the fat off your hindquarters." She threatened to the geeks, who gave each other looks of mutual terror.

"Looks like I was right, Princess," Duncan flicked Cournty in the nose, B and Bruce cracking their knuckles. "I think you'll make a delightful little capture."

"I will accept my hostage state with dignity," Kasumi gave a bow to Scott, settling herself among their company. "I'm already quite tired."

Jo, though, took it the worst of all. "You're telling me I've got to play the part of some fairy tale princess? What kind of dainty tea-sipper do you take me for?" Honest, the girl couldn't keep control of herself.

"Wait until we get to the 1960's, sports bra." Chris settled himself into his chair. "Now... I never said you couldn't try to escape." This met with a few sly smiles from Jo, Sushi, and Gwen, while a more malicious one rose on Bonnie. "Now, for Geek Squad's reward, you three get a smooth 10 foot hole in your cave to keep your captives in!" Cody breathed a sigh of relief while Sam and Harold did a high-five. "Now, get into your places, and let's start this thing!"

*Confessional: Bonnie*

"What's that dastardly dog thinkin, putting Bonnie in a hole like some Paddy's potato?" She growled furiously, hair frizzing. " I'll just have to show im how we Highlander's climb."

*Confessional: Duncan*

"Geeze, just my luck," he was filling away at his toenails with a knife, looking half-lazy eyed into the camera. "Little miss perfect is ending up in my care. If nothing else, she'll just try to nag me to sleep." He suddenly looked deeply serious. "I hope Chris dosen't mind if I just knock her lights out. How fun would THAT be?"

*Scene 1: Cave Thesius*

"Alright, so how are we going to sort this out?" Duncan asked this brothers. B had Anne Marrie, Lindsy, and Courtney pinned up against the wall, looking at them sternly, while Zoey was taking the time to re-connect with Mike and Sushi just danced around, seemingly ignorant to Alejandro's close watch, Alice leaning by herself, back to the rest.

"I suggest letting Bonnie work things out for herself." Mike looked deeply into Zoey's eyes, her blushing from the attention. "She's a strong girl... and I really don't want to go out there."

"Be serious," Alejandro put in his two cents, still puzzled by Sushi's actions. "This situation requires me to act! Even a rather independent and powerful woman could never pull herself of such a deep hole, and I'd rather not torture myself with thoughts of her wasting away."

"Oh, cut the melodrama," rolled her eyes. "You're just a two-bit casa nova with Heather's brain."

"Metal-mouth has a point," Duncan considered, looking out the face and towards the opponent's caves. "Still, managing Miss CIT and her hens is going to take more manpower then we can afford. If only we could sneak up on them."

"Oh, am I a hen?" Lindsay cocked her head, taking it in. "Alright, if you say so. CLUCK!" She started clucking like a chicken, flapping her arms and licking her feet, the sharp noise reverberating off the rough walls.

"Gaaa, make her stop!" Zoey shrank back. "Why on earth is she doing that?"

"Because she's got the brains of chicken, alright?" Alice retorted, still brooding.

It was at this moment B looked over at Bruce, the giant's massive mits wearing a hole into the soft dirt. Soon, everybody followed his lead, looking over to see an already impressive dent.

"What?" Bruce asked when he noticed them, face covered in dirt and smiling. "I'm just trying to help."

*Scene 2, The Fortress of Geekitude*

"Rawr!" Bonnie shouted as she clawed at the walls of her hole, unrelenting. It was an unatural sound, bellowing like the depths of hell itself, and it was really starting to give Cody the creeps, though Sam's insatiable desire to pull out his handheld covered it up a little bit. "Come on boys, think!" Cody paced back and forth, Harold meditating to the side. "There's got to be way to win this."

"Face it dude, we just aren't manly enough," Sam spoke, distracted. "Now, if this where Build&Dig I could just make a sword out of some rocks and a stick, but..." he sounded sad. "Here, I don't have more then a plus 1 to strength, if that."

"Come on, there has to be something," Cody refused to give up, intense as he thought of what he'd told Sierra. "Damm, if I could have just hadn't said anything." He tossed a punch to the air in frustration, looking over at Harold. "You got anything, buddy."

The geek opened one eye, carefully sending to top of Bonnie's head back into the pit with a swift chop as she'd clawed her way to the surface, leading her to a hard landing on bottom, animatistic growls flying out in rapid succession. "It is said that when one know's their foe, they shall know the key to victory," he elightendly stated, standing up. "Perhaps we should go spy on those holding our lovely maidens hostage."

*Confessional: Cody*

"Great," he sighed, propping himself on his knees. "You'd think after all this time, Sierra would have lightened up a bit. But now... its even worse, and I think I'm starting to like it. What's wrong with me?"

*Confessional: Bruce*

"Ya, I know my way around a hole. I mean, you should have seen my sandbox when I was a kid; I'd dug right down into the dirt! If anybody can get Bonnie out of that thing, its me... hopefully she'll be at least a little grateful."

*Scene 3: The Champion Cave*

"Alright," Scott stood in front of the others, stretching out his arms. "Now, if anybody knows how to rustle up some women, its me." He glanced over his team's shoulder to view their relatively complacent captives; Dawn sat their, conversing with a scropion that had crawled up onto her finger and a snake which coiled up her arm, leading him to shiver slightly. Kasumi was simply sitting in a traditional Japanese fashion, looking forward and waiting patently. Sierra was babbling to herself... something about new blog names or something, but not causing any trouble. "So, I suggest we just mozie on over and tip that cow right over. What do you two say?"

Cameron and Micheal looked at each other, then their arms, before responding. "Taking into account Owen's body weight, the added burden of sweaty cloths, and removing the lowest muscle mass to account for a guard here," Cameron quickly calculated in his head. "I'd say we need roughly 1.7 times as many kilograms per square centimeter of force then we currently possess."

"Oh, I think I know what I'm doing," Scott put a confident look on his face, though with his complexion and the way his robotic appendages looked it made him look like he was scheming.

*Confessional: Scott.*

"If those fools think I'm stupid enough to try the same strategy as last year, they're sorely mistaken." He was tapping his metallic fingers on the wall, enjoying the clanging noise it made. "This year, I'm gonna try to bring some suckers to the top with me... then let them down hard when I show my full force." His tapping changed to a punching, putting a massive dent in the side of the capsule. "Like that Micheal, perhaps. Maybe Sam... who knows?"

He then set out of the cave, looking behind the corner to see Owen sitting their like a log in front of his opening, staring beyond. "Like shooting fish in a barrel," he smiled, gesturing over for Micheal. "You ready to go?"

"Of course," Micheal responded, following Scott out into the open, not spotting Cody hiding just behind a stray boulder, watching as the two scooched off to Owen's sitting spot.

*Scene 4: Wolve's Den*

"Come on, stop doing that!"

Owen looked over his shoulder as best he could, trying to reason with the three sets of hands that where pushing on his back. He had his shoes dug into the hard, gravelly soil, which chaffed his legs as they very slowly shifted him. However, everything they got close, he managed to get them back, just enough.

"Just get out of my way Lardo!" Jo seemed to be going with the most vigor, though she was looking reasonably worn out by this point.

"Indeed, you can not resist two trained athletes for long," Mei-Lin added. "To let you know, I can temporarily paralyze you if this becomes too much trouble." Of course, she was trying to locate the pressure points, but under the rolls of fat, she couldn't really make them out.

"But I'm not supposed to let you out," he answered, rubbing his belly. "I can't be sent home yet; I haven't even gotten an American hamburger and shake yet! I've heard they're to die for."

"Can I watch?" Owen heard a voice, and turned his head to see Micheal leaning in, looking curiously. "When you die, could I watch you?"

"Wha, what are you saying?" Owen shied to the left, giving a little more ground to the pushers behind him.

"Its working!" Gwen shouted out, suddenly more positive. "Just keep it up Micheal."

"You know," he started to lecture, voice full of emotion. "Hamburgers and Shakes are filled with saturated fats and cholesterol, which for some of the strongest substances in your body. They construct themselves naturally into these tiny, dense plugs, strong enough to hold up against even the power of the human heart." He made a very small space between his fingers, just to emphasis the point. "Then, they slowly starve the heart of nutrients and oxygen, leaving it to wither away and thus starving the rest of the body. Such power in such a simple thing." Owen kept moving away with each word, stuttering to himself, before he finally fell over, scuttling away on all fours.

"Great job, Deadhead," Jo gave him a high five. "Maybe you're not as worthless as I took you for."

"Indeed, your psychological combat methods are most intriguing," Mei-Lin stated admiringly. "You shout tutor me sometime." Micheal had a smile growing on his face, before Scott stepped in, point towards their own cave.

"Ya ya, time for congratulations latter. We need to get back now!" He started to run, leg servo's creaking as the rest of his team saw Sierra dash out, Cody and the other girls not far behind.

*Confessional: Cameron*

"It happened so fast," he said breathlessly. "He just came in and... well, Sierra went crazy. On the bright side though, that stray slap did get rid of the crick in my neck." He pointed the spot out. "You wouldn't believe how long that's been bothering me.*

*Scene 5, Geek Squad*

"YAHOO!" Sierra shouted as she spearheaded the group's attack, Dawn and Kasumi following rather a bit behind, using their hands to keep their skirts down. She was about halfway to the cave entrance, and was moving fast, the wind keeping her freshly grown braid fluttering in the air.

Harold and Sam, on the other hand, where watching out for an attack from the Thesius side, that entrence having been empty for the whole time. "Seriously, you think they would have done something by now..." Sam thought aloud just before giving himself a silent yes, victory music sounding as he finished his level.

"Perhaps they have their hands full with all their girls," Harold suggested, glancing back for anything red popping out of the hole, only to spot nothing. "Oh, look!" He smiled as he saw Sierra running, grinning at the strange way the other two girls ran.

They didn't hear the sound of a few clods of dirt falling, though Bonnie heard it well enough, looking over to see a set of beady red eyes pop from the darkness, beckoning to her. She giggled to herself, doing a tiny dance in the whole as Bruce revealed the rest of himself, making the hole wide enough for her to crawl through. "So long," she whispered as she dove in, beginning a dash towards the light at the end of the tunnel.

*Scene 6, Thesius Cave*

Bruce pulled himself out from the rubble of the wall, Bonnie not far behind him, to meet with big smiles and high-fives from the other boys, the Wolves annoyed, shaking their heads. "Dude!" Duncan gave Bruce a high five the two patting each other on the back. "That was awesome!"

"Indeed," Alejandro shook his hand. "You, my friend have proven yourself a valuable member of the team."

Suddenly, Chris flew into the cave on his jetpack, lifting the visor from his face. "Congratulations Team Thesius! You've just one the first challenge of Total Drama Timewarp! Here's your reward." He reached into his pocket and handed them a wooden statue of a reaching hand.

"What, you given them a bad peice of modern art?" Anne Marie waved a hand at him. "Come on, why don't you give these guys a decent tan? I'm half blinded from the glare."

"As I was saying," Chris resumed. "Just use that before the second part of any challenge. I'll "lend you a hand", and let you steal the advantage from any opposing team."

"Yes," Ducan took it, tossing it up into the air. "I think I'll save this for a rainy day." He gave Courtney the finger, leading her to scowl.

"As for you ladies, I'll be seeing you at tonight's elimination ceremony, right in the middle of Fort McLean."

"Why did I have to be stuck with such a bunch of idiots?" Courtney asked the sky, only for Sushi to look up at the rest of them for the first time that challenge.

"Did we win?" She asked with a silly smile.

That night, Chris stood in front of a great metal door, looking out of the seven who where standing their, each looking at one another with suspicion. "Well well well, look what we have here." He joked with them, blowing himself with a portable fan. "You should be happy, you're going to be the first ones to take part in what is probably the most interesting elimination ceremony so far. Now," He reached over to a small table at his side, the surface looking like a clock, pulling up a plate of gold frosted cupcakes. "Cupcake, anyone?" he offered, before pulling it back quickly as Owen reached for one. "Hey, wait!" He ordered, keeping them to his chest. "These are more then just ordinary cupcakes. Each of these golden snack cakes represents a golden age for each of you, a chance to recover from the idiotic display today. The person who doesn't get one, well, let me show you."

Chris clapped his hands, and one of the interns stepped out, looking around frightened as Chris directed her to the button. She shook her head vigorously, but Chris just pushed her into it, the great gates flying open to reveal a massive, electric blue spiral, sucking the intern in with a massive amount of force and load howling.

"This here's a leftover from a military experiment gone wrong!" Chris shouted above the rushing winds. "Nobody's quite sure how trying to build a dimension-shifting bomb managed to open this up, but if the boys at the lab are correct, anything that gets dumped into this portal will reappear on exactly the same day the finale is scheduled to happen. Considering the problem we've had with returning contestants in the past, well." He shrugged, rushing over neat the contestants.

"Are you crazy?" Anne Marie shouted, pressing down on her head. "You know what this is doing to my hair?"

"Don't care," Chris tapped her shoulder. "Now, let's count the votes, shall we?" He opened up the envelope, reading the names of the paper they'd filled out earlier. "We've got one vote for Sushi," The little girl wiggled in her seat, as Chris let the paper flutter into the warp, disappearing with a slight popping sound. "One vote for Owen. Another vote for Owen," Owen started to look really nervous now, tapping his feet. "Then we've got one, two votes for Courtney. And then one for Lindsay." Each paper disappeared with its own pop, all the contest's tight in their seats. "So I've got one cupcake for Sushi, one for Anne Marie, one of Lindsay, one for Zoey, and one for Alice." Each of them took their pastries and bit into them, Alice seemingly indifferent, while Zoey looked like a huge weight left her shoulders.

"And the final cupcake goes to," he looked at the paper, a dramatic pause taking over as both Owen clung to his seat, while Courtney looked absolutely pissed off. "Owen." Chris stated simply, watching Owen gobbled it down in one gulp.

"What?!" Countrey screamed at her teammates. "You voted me out? What on earth where you thinking? I'm your best player!"

"Apparently not," Chris started to push her closer to the vortex, the tug on her hair now clearly visible. "Now, any last words before you try the Warp of Shame?"

"Not any I can say on yours show Chrissssssssssssssssss" She faded out as the vortex sucked her up, disappearing with the pop and the gates flying closed and Chris dashed to press the button, his own hair a frazzled mess.

"Who'll be next to take a timeout? What challenge will be the next clockstopper? How many time-related puns can I get out before I run out of decent ideas? Find out next time on Total. Drama. Timewarp!


End file.
